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Easy Potato Soup made Difficult

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Potato soup is awesome!  Potato’s are very popular and have been for at least a couple hundred years.  I wonder if potatoes ever get a big head and how you would know that…..  It must feel really good to be popular for 100’s of years.  I’ve never personally met an arrogant potato, but that’s just my experience.  If you think about it, any person would feel good to be popular at least through grade school.  So cud-do’s to potatoes for kicking it for so long.  The potato has got it all goin on.  You are a starchy, tuberous, delicious, delight…

Everyone should have potato SOUP at least once in their lifetime.  If not this one, then the next…please.  It’s simple, satisfying, and perhaps a little hob-nobberish if you call it Vichyssoise.   I think that’s French for “I’m better than you cause you didn’t know about potato soup.”

But when my daughter asked me for the recipe for the potato…things got a little weird.  For most families, this type of request wouldn’t be a problem….

“Hey Ma…how’d you make that potato soup?”

“No problem doll, I’ll email you the recipe right now.  it’s easy.”

“Love you!”

“Love you too!”

No such luck in this family.  Daughter is a little challenged in the kitchen.  I know this because she called to ask how she’ll know when water is boiling.  I told her she would see the bubbles.  She asked how big they should be….ahhhhhhh!!!!!

So I did my best to draft an email to my daughter about how to make delicious potato soup.

This is an almost exact draft of my email to her.

“Hello Beautiful,

here we go….i’m going to put as much detail into this as i possibly can. don’t call me! i won’t have anything else to say…ha.

1. take out a large pot, preferably a clean one, and put it on the stove.

2. turn the heat on to your medium setting. (that would be the burner with the clean, empty pot on it.)

3. grab a stick of butter out of the fridge. don’t worry about the empty pot sitting on the burner. put the stick of butter near your pot.

4. now go grab about 3 or 4 medium sized onions and cut them up how ever seems best to you. I usually just cut them into quarters. if you don’t know what a quarter is. I have failed you in your education.

5. go back to the empty pot with your onions and a box of kleenex because you’ll be crying by now, or you could just run your hands under cold water. dump the onions into the pot. now put about 1/2 a stick of butter into the same pot.   Go searching for the pot lid that you forgot to take out when you started. this should give the butter just enough time to start melting.

6. stir the mixture up. put in some salt and pepper. put in a little less than you think you need. you can always add more. put a lid on it.  walk away.

7. grab 5 or 6 big potatoes. peel them and start to cut them up. oops! better check on those onions. go to the oven and give the onion and butter mixture a good stir.  make sure it’s not burning.

8. finish cutting the potatoes. at least 5 to 7 minutes should have passed by now. dump the potatoes into the pot. add more butter, (1/2 a stick), salt and pepper.

9 put some water in your tea kettle. its time for a cup of jo….just kidding. boil at least 8 oz of water. go stir your mixture.

10. put 4 cubes of chicken bouillon in a mug so it can dissolve.(don’t forget to put the boiled water into the mug…that’s what dissolves the bouillon.) it’ll probably take about 3 minutes to dissolve. dump it into the mixture and stir. If the water level is too far below the mixture, add more water, don’t add so much that it comes over the mixture.

11. turn the heat to high and bring it to a boil.

12. then adjust the heat to a slow boil and cook for about 10 to 15 minutes. just stick a fork in a potato to see if its cooked.

13 the fun part….whip out your new, handy dandy whipper upper.

14. take the pot off the stove. turn off your heat. and start whipping. (keep the whipper submersed while you are whipping or you will be badly burned and your walls will have a funny onion smell).

15. when its mostly pureed, put in a huge, really big, probably just should’ve used 2 tablespoons, tablespoon of sour cream. then add about a 1/4 stick to 1/2 stick of cream cheese.

16. mix again

you’re a soup goddess now!”

She called me 6 times after this email.

  • 1st phone call: 3:24 pm

asked for the ingredients. FAIR ENOUGH. it is called potato soup so I didn’t think we’d have much trouble with that one. We were on the phone for about 4 minutes going over the minutia of potatoes. I learned alot.  Acme is having a sale on Green Giant Potatoes.

  • 2nd phone call: 4:38 pm

asked me how to find the email i sent her about the potato soup…..NOT FAIR!

  • 3rd phone call: 5:36 pm

told me that the onions might be burning and asked what to do…….Well……..just turn the heat up dear!

  • 4th phone call: 6:03 pm

told me that the 8 oz of water didn’t seem like enough to boil the mixture in. I told her that I didn’t know how big or what size pot she was using so she would have to make that water level decision without me. But she did understand what I meant about the pot size and the water level.! Besides that, I already addressed that situation in #10.

  • 5th phone call: 6:46pm

told me that she put a fork in one potato and it split. but then she tested another one and it didn’t split quite the same way. I said, “You’re Done and so are the potatoes! move on to the next step.”

  • 6th phone call: 7:01pm

wanted to know if the mixer got hot while you were whipping HOT potato soup! I said she should re-read the directions for the mixer and the soup. I wasn’t supposed to get any phone calls.

Love,

Mom

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