Help Free BARBIE!

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How can millions of Americans stand idly by while packagers strap Barbie, and her friends, down by the head, neck, arms, waist, and legs?  (Mattel, the world’s largest toy company – based on revenue, closed it’s last US manufacturing plant in 2002.  China now makes our favorite toy!)  We have to help free Barbie and I have some solutions.

Put her in a box.  It’s made out of paper and is biodegradable.  No research or rocket science involved in making boxes.  Guess which countries produce the most paper in the world?  The good ole’ US of A and Canada.  Which state produces the most paper?  Wisconsin.   No reason for alarm from tree-huggers either because today most paper is made from a combination of recycled materials, hemp, and kenaf (Google that shit).

Use a piece of tape or two to keep the box closed until Barbie reaches her final destination.  I don’t know anything about tape except that it is awesome.  It might be biodegradable, it might not be.  OK – I just Googled that – Cellulose tape is biodegradable. Decorate the box with all things Barbie and put a picture of what you’re getting on the front.  That way, when you open the box, you can see that the picture matches what’s inside the box.  (BRILLIANT!)

Once you’ve got your new Barbie, throw the box in the trash.

WAIT!  I know what you’re thinking.  That box is way to cute to throw away.  Here are some things to do with your new Barbie box:

1.)  Make a Barbie Bed.  Everyone deserves a safe, comfortable place of their own to sleep.

You can’t make a bed out of this:  (remnants of the plastic packaging.  I know… it’s hard to see.)

2.)  Store some of your old stuff in your new box.  But if you do that you should probably change the picture on the front so you don’t confuse yourself.

3.)  Make a birdhouse out of the box.  Just kidding…I bought the birdhouse.  But those Martha Stewart types could birdhouse the shit out of that box!

Help free Barbie, save the environment, and bring jobs to the United States!  Just say, “NO!” to sadistic plastic packaging.

Here is how you say, “NO!”:

Step 1.  Email Mattel and tell them that you won’t buy anything Barbie until they free Barbie!  (Buy your favorite Barbie first – then boycott Mattel).

Step 2.  Email Michael Moore…He’s awesome at stuff like this.

Step 3.  Tell everyone on Facebook to do the same thing.  The same thing is to email Mattel…(go back to step 1.).

Don’t get me wrong.  I Love Plastic.  Barbie and a lot of really great people are made of plastic.  But in the packaging department it is just not working and China doesn’t have to clean up the plastic packaging mess they are making…We do!

Notes to Mattel:

  • Don’t steal my idea about selling a Barbie… in a box… that is a bed.  I will sue you.
  • Bugger off the kids imagination.  Just give us the doll, in a cardboard box, and walk away.
  • If you need some solutions for store displays, call me.  I’ve been thinking about it and have some really good ideas.
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